Bucky Group 28 - Silence

14th June 2008 - "A Way to God - Silence" by Anthony De Mello, Video Viewing.
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Whichever way you would seek about the Truth, at some point it will require 'silence'. Some people achieve silence through meditation. Silence is beyond thinking.
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There is a story of a king who went to the priest to seek the Truth. The king said that he was a busy man and would need it expressed in one sentence. The priest said he could do better and say it in one word, and the word is "silence".
"How can I achieve silence?" the king asked.
"Through meditation," the priest replied.
"How can I meditate?" the king continued.
"Through silence," the priest replied again.
"How can I achieve this silence?" the king asked again.
"Through meditation,"the priest replied again.
So this cyclical question and answer went on and on.
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There is a story of a disciple who asked his master if he had taught him everything or kept some secret away from him. The master then took the disciple for a walk along the mountain ridges. During the walk, the master pointed out to a bird singing on a tree to the disciple. The disciple listened to the bird singing and then realised then he already know the secret. He knows it by observing God's creation.
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There is a man who was admiring the beauty of sunset and pointed it out to another man. The second man couldn't see the beauty. This surprised the first man, and then realised that beauty is not a thing but is a way of thinking and observation. Unless we understand the way of thinking and observation, we are not going to be able to see the beauty of God's creation.
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It is difficult to tell a blind man what the colour green is. Let's supposed if I tell him that the colour green is like soft flowing music. Then one day if he become sighted, he will think soft flowing music is 'green' and will completely overlook something which we called the colour 'green'.
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Same as a fish in the ocean who would be looking for the ocean as he had been told certain description of what an ocean looks like. He will be searching everywhere and be unable to find it, not knowing that it is right in front and around him.
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You see, if we have been told and image of God, we will be looking for what we think God is like, missing altogether what God really is, even if He is before us. We learn to understand God by observing his creations. It is from the song and the dance that we understand the singer and the dancer.

[more later...]

Bucky Group 27 - Love

7th June 2008 - "A Way to God - Love" by Anthony di Mello, video viewing session

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There was an 8 year boy who had committed murder, armed robbery and other violent crimes at that young age and could not be brought to court nor brought to the reformative centres. So the police brought him to Father Flanagan, the founder of Boys' Town.
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While in the train on the way to Father Flanagan, the boy (who revealed that in his book years later) that knowing that he was going to a priest, he resolved that he would kill anyone who would say "...I love you...", to him. And in all probabilities he would do it, as this is coming from a boy who was a killer.
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When Father Flanagan met him, he looked at him, asked him his name and briefed him that there will be someone bringing him around to look at the place and eventually he would have a job there. So he asked him to go and choose something he wanted to do, but to take his time as there was no hurry. Those brief few minutes changed the boy's life.
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The boy wrote in his book that when he looked into Father Flanagan's eyes, he immediately felt love, though Father didn't said the word. You see, love is immediately transmitted to others even though we do not say it. Our thoughts tranfer.
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[I wonder why this doesn't work with girl friends or wives! Why do women need to have love explicitly expressed? hmm... food for thought.]

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To Father Flanagan, there is no such thing as a 'bad boy'. Sure he saw what crimes the boy had committed, but he separated the sin from the sinner.
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In an experiment carried out by some psychologists, they brought some ordinary kids to a school and told the teachers that these kids are of high IQ and are categorised as "Spurters" (though there was no such categorisation in psychology). After a few months, a follow-up IQ test was conducted and all the kids in the group gained 12 to 36 points in their IQ.
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Our thoughts can transform people. This was even found to work with laboratory mice. Even the mice performed better in the experiments.
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Exercises:
1. Think of someone you love and feel how it is.
2. Think of someone you do not like at all, and see if you can see some good of that person.
3. Think of what you will think of that person with Jesus next to you.
4. Think of what names Jesus will call you when he meets you.

Discussions:

SC has a friend who doesn't trust anyone. No one at all, and all of them have proven to be untrustworthy in the end. Personally, I wouldn't trust someone who doesn't trust anyone else. Someone like this is not honest himself/herself.

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So how do we trust people. There are many of us in the room who has at some point trusted somebody only to be let down. I think the fallacy most people have is that being trusting meant that we become 'blind' to what is happening. I trust people, but am not blind.

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"But is that judgment?" someone asked.

Observing and accepting observations as they are, are not judgments. Judgments only come when we start hating that person.

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I have a friend, whom I think is a very loving man. He never despise anyone. He never talk ill about people or situations. However, he is also blind to many 'odd' situations around him. He would even dream up excuses for people who harmed him. In the end he become a bankrupt. How does that serve him by being 'loving' and blind? I put 'loving' in quotes, because I am thinking if he actually love himself. To understand love, we have first to love ourselves. That means to go into situations with our eyes open and protect ourselves. It doesn't mean to be untrusting, but to be truthful to what is happening before our eyes.

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Rachel said we tend to look at the 'bad' sides of a person when they are alive and only speak good of them in their funeral!

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Joo Hwa's Timeout:

There is a pig and a cow in a farm. Everyone loves the cow and not the pig. The pig couldn't understand that as they would eat almost every part of his body. The cow on the other hand only provides milk and she is not even slaughtered. The pig then confronted the cow with the question, which the cow replied, "I serve everyone when I am alive. You only serve others when you are dead!" *laughters*

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Joo Hock related a story about a new comer at the gates of the city who asked an old wise man how the people in the city are like. The wise man then asked what type of people lives in the city he comes from and the new comer said, "Oh! Horrible people. They are unkind and unloving...". Then the wise man said, "Yes, in this city you will meet the same type of people." The newcomer went to live in the city and then meet horrible, unkind and unloving people.

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A few days later, another newcomer came to ask the wise man the same question and he asked the newcomer the same question, "What type of people lives in the city where you come from?" The newcomer replied, "Fantastic people. Kind and loving." Then the newcomer went to live in the city and meet fantastic, kind and loving people.

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The moral of the story is that, as we do not see the positive aspects of people, we will end up attracting the very kind of people that are lingering in our thoughts.

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Joo Hock added that, actually there is no 'good' and 'bad'. They are both part of the whole. The universe does not discriminate against 'good' and 'bad'. Just like the Ying and Yang sign. There is the black and white. In the black, there is a dot of white. In the white, there is the dot of black.

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At this point, I realised that Father Anthony uses 'good' and 'bad' quite often. Perhaps this is due to his Catholic background. I also noticed that of people of other religions. Buddhist monks do the same, they preach what is 'good' and what is 'bad'....

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Bucky Group 21 - Rediscovery of Life, by Father Anthony De Mello

"Rediscovery of Life", a talk given to a group of students in the United States, by Father Anthony De Mello a Catholic Jesuit priest.
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This post will be updated every week as we watch a successive video clip of Father De Mello's talk.

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Week 1

Father De Mello said that for many years, he was not awakened by the truth of Life, although he had been reading many meaningful verses in the Bible. He said he was asleep. But once he rediscovered life, what he read in the Bible then came alive! He thinks many of us are still asleep. I think so too.

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It may take many months, a few weeks, a few days or just a few hours for one to realise the true meaning of life. It all depends. It depends on if you know how to listen. Many of us don't know how to listen. We have fixed ideas and prejudices and because of that we did not listen and miss the real message.

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In the slumps of Calcutta, Father De Mello met a rickshaw puller called Ram Chandra who had just sold his skeletons (in advance) to a buyer for $10. This buyer had asked what Ram Chandra did for a living and how long he had been a rickshaw puller, which Ram said "ten years". On hearing that, the buyer reckoned he could get Ram's skeletons soon as most rickshaw men dies after 12 years in the trade. So the buyer paid Ram $10. Ram used this money to feed the family.

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To most of us, this is really sad and dreadful, but when Father De Mello spoke to Ram, he was not at all sad. There was no fear in Ram and he said that everything is going well. "But how about your family and children...etc?" asked Father, and Ram replied that all was well and that he would just do what he could and leave the rest to God. That man was fearless! Father realised that he was in front of a mystic! Ram lived like a King and lived every moment to the fullest. He was alive! "I was dead", Father De Mello said, referring to the time when he was still not awakened.

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Can all of us live like Ram Chandra? Can every of our moment be a bliss? Every single moment? "No it is not possible. There will be ups and downs and there will be some difficult moments. Some of you may think that way. Then, your life is in a mess!" Father said.

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Father said that we set off in life agreeing that life is not a bliss and we end in a life that is a mess!
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"Some of you here may not agree with that. You don't want to change. You don't want to know. If you don't want to know and don't want to listen, I don't want to change you. I can't change you. "Bye", Father De Mello said.

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"There is a saying, 'Don't teach pigs how to sing. You are wasting your time, and you irritate the pig.' "

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Week 2

Father De Mello spoke about "attachments". It is because of "attachments" that we lose our happiness. If we are not attached to anything, we stay happy.

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Week 3

This week, the talk focused on "Upsets". What gets us upset? Why do we get upset? Can someone else get you upset? How could they? Nobody can get us upset but ourselves. If we are peaceful within, nobody can get us upset.

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Think of a problem that upset you or still upset you. Take yourself out of the problem, and ask yourself, "where is the problem?" There is no problem. The problem exists only in our minds.

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When it rains, it upset many people, because we are programmed to be upset with rainy weather. One person may feel upset about the rain, the other may feel nothing about the rain.

[My note: To picnickers, a rainy is frowned upon. However, to the many creatures and plants out there, it is a chance to live!]

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So it is our programming that makes us upset. Not someone or something else that upset us. It is often easier to blame someone else for our upsetting ourselves. "Someone else upset me", we often say, but we don't say, "Someone else's actions have caused me to upset myself". Nobody talks like that. No cultures speak like that. So, we are programmed.

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Programming is powerful. There are tribes who practise banishment and the person who is banished always die. That means, if someone in the tribe commit a capital offense, they are banished, and when they are banished, they die.

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There is also a tribe in Mexico that believes that they shouldn't touch a certain stone. That if they do, they will die. One day, a boy from that tribe accidentally touched the stone. He was shocked and knew he will die soon. That night, the mother went to a priest and asked him to conduct a sacrimont for the boy. The priest rubbished it off and urge them not to be superstitious. The next day, the boy died.

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There is also a story about 21 camels that have to be tied to pegs so that their riders can stay a night in the desert. However, there were only 20 pegs for 21 camels, so the chief asked the slave to go through the motion of tying the 21st camel. The slave did just that and the next day, the camel was still around. Then as it came to move on, the slave came to tell the chief that that particular camel refused to move. "Ah, you forgot to untie the camel. Go untie him", the chief instructed the slave. So the slave did, and that camel willingly moved on.

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Discussions **

One of the Bucky Group members said that this discussion is timely for her as she was very upset that her mother who is 92, had to go on oxygen mask yesterday, despite having gone through chemeotherapy and should be doing better. However, on thinking further, she thought she should be happy, as the mother is still living at this age. But other than this, there are rarely anything that upset her. At this point, I quickly asked, "How about 'massage parlours'?" The Group then bursts into loud laughter, as she has been really upset with the growth of naughty massage parlours in her neighbourhood.

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She has started a committee to get rid of these massage parlours. The police had raided the parlours, on the grounds that they did not have licences to operate the parlours, but they reopened the day after the raid. So now they are call themselves, "Health Spa" and now they are legal. As the police raided, there were no girls in the shop. They were all hanging around elsewhere, perhaps by the coffeeshop having a drink. Totally legitimate. Whilst the polce raided, they were still opened for business. It was very hard to pin down what the shop has done wrong! This upset her.

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While she was upset, an old uncle came up and asked her to leave those parlours alone. They too had to earn a living. After some discussions and debates however, this old uncle confessed that it was also very convenient for him in that he now doesn't have to take two buses to visit the redlight district in Geylang.

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Personally, I won't open a massage parlour like this, nor would I rush to visit one, but would it upset me? Understandably, it would be uneasy to have it in my neighbourhood, but would I chide thie old uncle for staying that virile in his advanced age? Will I get myself upset? It doesn't and it won't. I am not living the old uncle's life. It is his life and his perogative.

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Sometimes, when I am telling something in earnest, the listener will say that I am upset (or angry). When I replied that I am not, they would insist that I am. This upset me. I get upset for being insisted that I am upset. Why do I get upset when someone else insist that I am upset, when I know I am not? Does it matter? Is it because I feel that it is unfair that because I have a stern face, loud voice and animated expressions that I am often misunderstood? Probably so. That has been going on for awhile now. How do I explain to others that I am not upset, when they have already decided that I am? Do I have to explain?

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On the upside, because of these misjudgments, it has taught me how to read other people's expressions more accurately. Isn't that a gift? So now, it doesn't upset me. Besides, having a blog like this has already aloud me to express all I want and for others to read what I say without the prejudice of my booming voice or what is conceived as a stern personality.

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I have a Korean friend who gets very upset when I joke about "Kim chi". For instance, after her lunch one day, I asked if she had a kim chi for lunch, and she went ballastic! Why did she over-reacted to such a joke? Did she that it as disrespect for her and a national mockery. Koreans in case you are unaware, are by and large, very nationalistic! (Actually this will get her even angrier, as she also doesn't like it when I generalise.)

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Anyway, some weeks later, she revealed to me that when she was living in Singapore, a silly girl in her office called her "kimchi" and she felt very insulted by that. But how would I know about that? And even so, it all happened four years ago and probably was done and over in a few minutes or seconds. Why has she been angry till now? How much energy has she wasted? Moreover, I don't understand, if she is already aware that these are buttons that can get her angry when pressed, why does she get angry? I mean, she is already aware and therefore should be already conscious about it and able to control herself or shrug it off with a good laugh.

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Here Joo Hwa said, "Michael, you know what? You pressed the wrong buttons. You should press the right buttons!" Sending the whole house into roaring laughter.
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"Thank you Joo Hwa. I did say I am aware of it," I replied.

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