A Happy Party

I was invited to a party last Saturday.

Everyone there was so happy and smiling. They even lined up to greet me. What a lovely reception!

Some may have disappeared into the background, but still smiling and always maintaining eye contact. Not a moment were they busy on the phone or sending smses.

There are some cute little baby ones like this...

... or famous ones like Elmo.

Minnie Mouse was also there. She was searching for Mickey...

Mickey had the cheek to show us how much he ate...

... but not as much as Winnie... he helped himself thoroughly.

There is also a sexy one lurking by the couch...

... watching me...

... hmmmm...

... and finally, the birthday cake! A labour of love!

Yum!

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Haji Weekend

Sunset and Sepang Gold Coast

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It was decided last minute, and then I was on the road to Malaysia for the Haji weekend. There was the usual holiday road jams at the immigration, so to keep everyone entertained, I did some "character and behaviour" readings based on their dates of birth. They were amazed with the accuracy and details that the readings exposed. Actually, I was equally amazed! My American guests in the car didn't seem to mind though, as they said that in America they can tell you everything about their life, even if you have just known them. (For more, read here and here.)

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It was a welcome change and relief to take a break from urban Singapore once in a while to experience the open space and laid back lifestyle of our neighbour up north with beautiful scenery of the undulating mountain ridges from the road. Given the heavy traffic, it took us a long time to get Sepang Gold Coast, but we managed to make it in time for sunset and dinner by the beach.

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Dinner was splendid! We started off with some delicious satays, prepared by the local Malays at Sepang. My friend told me that it is their plan to integrate the local community with the Gold Coast project by employing them and creating new business opportunities for them. The local staff are such gentle and polite people, characteristic of traditional Malay kampung folks. My friend told me that they did not need to train them to serve well, as they seem to know that naturally.

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The Sea Villas facing the Straits of Malacca

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We spent the evening in the villas in the middle of the sea. These villas are built on stilts and configured to the shape of a palm tree from an aerial view. They are selling well to Europeans wanting a place to escape for winter.

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What is more amazing is that the Sepang Gold Coast Palm Tree project was funded privately by its owner, a Malaysian Chinese businessman. A big financial commitment that is now paying off. At the start there were sceptics who thought that he was taking a big risk, but undeterred he continued. You see, if one has a vision that others cannot see, it would be seen by the others as a risk. Being able to cultivate that vision and stay the course, is the hallmark of a successful entrepreneur.

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In contrast, the Dubai Palm Island project is in a financial mess after the banks pulled the plug on them. Now, construction has halted and they are potentially facing legal injunctions. Perhaps the moral of the story here is not to borrow from the banks if one can afford to do so. Funding through financial instruments and bonds are akin to trading financial risks, which strictly speaking, is forbidden in Islam. Ironically, it is the non-Muslim Chinese towkay (businessman) that has conformed to this prudence and reap the fruits of having done so.

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During the evening, after more 'birth date' readings to amuse ourselves, we read a chapter of Ekhart Tolle's book "Stillness Speaks". In the chapter, it speaks about the illusion of duality and that all we see 'outside' are essentially happening 'inside' us in our consciousness. It is hard to conceive that, as we cannot see our own consciousness and that consciousness itself does not have a locale. Since consciousness has no locale, then perhaps it has to be all ONE, and therefore making the concept of 'self' a mere illusion!

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I draw this to a parallel of opening a Word file in my computer. When I open the Word file, there is an illusion that there is a 'file' (self) appearing, however if we dwell into the computer, the contents of the file (self) is scattered all over the memory (one consciousness).

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Do not despair if you are lost in this consciousness-speak, some of us still are. But what else better can a group of four people do in the middle sea in a tropical evening under the stars? :)

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The Village Pau Shop

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The next morning, we had breakfast in the nearby village. We bought some 'pau' (buns) from the famous local stall. They sell about 5,000 paus per day and you have to order them early, before they sell out!

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The pau was delicious. They have pork, vegetable and soya bean fillings. The buns are different from most others in that their 'skins' are exceptionally 'springy' and will not turn soggy when it turned cold.

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After breakfast, we left for Penang to watch the International Dance Competition at Bayview Hotel, Ferringhi Beach. But of course, stopping on the way for durains and other goodies! :)

A roadside durain stall

A pamelo stall

The competition was already on its way when we reached there. Tension was in the air as the dancers dressed in full costume and heavy make-up, awaited their turn to compete. The costumes, I was told, cost at least a few thousand dollars, with the more expensive ones over ten thousand dollars. Add that to the cost of dance instructors, professional dance partners, flights, accommodation for the instructors...etc, and you get a handsome figure. So I guess one has to be financially well heeled in a hobby like this.

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So much time must have been spent trying to perfect their twirls and turns to the day of the competition. To dance well, the dancer has to get almost all his muscles moving in synch. Quite a feat!

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After the competition ended, I had dinner at about midnight with my friends. If you are mixing around with dancers, be prepared for late nights and suppers. They are a bundle of live wire, never seeming to need much sleep.

We left the next morning for Sepang. We were supposed to pick up 3 other friends in our van, but had not accounted for their sizeable luggages. So we had to book a local taxi to ferry some of the luggages and (ironically) our driver. The driver rode in the taxi so that the rest of us can be in one vehicle, and yours truly ended as the driver of the van.

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The driver must be smiling all the way back to Sepang, as he relaxed in the taxi. But I must say, he was always smiling during the few days I know him. He is ever so gentle, polite and so patient; and certainly happier than some of the super-rich people I have met. This is a wonder, as his income as a driver is minuscule compared to the latter. The moral of the story is that money can't buy us happiness and that happiness must come from within.

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The next morning, we left Sepang. Before that, as we went to collect our pau's, the shop owner asked if we could give his daughter a ride to Singapore. This reminded me of old Singapore, when public transport was scarce and we had to hitch rides from neighbours and friends to get to town much of the time. This is grand nostalgia and small town coziness; it also mean that we have made a friend in the village.

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Bucky Group - The Pursuit of Happiness

This movie was in the cinemas in the year 2006. Those who had seen it before said it was still as touching watching it over again at the Bucky Group.

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This is the trailer:

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For the movie proper, click the Playlist.

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Now here is the documentary of the real Chris Gardner:

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There wasn't time for group discussions after the movie, as Joo Hock's Hair Salon has to start.

In the main movie, in the scene outside the child care centre, Chris Gardner corrected the mis-spelling of happiness on the wall (spelt as "happyness"). He said, it is not 'y', but 'i'. Incidentally, it sounded like not "why", but "I" (happiness is inside me).

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Here's a public talk by Chris Gardner:

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Since the Bucky Group didn't have time to discuss about the movie the last session, I would suggest we do so this week. There should be lots to reflect on. There would be more if you are about to be booted out of your apartment!!! Or if you are a man who hasn't broken the cycle of not being with your children! :)

Bucky Group 35 - Flow

One of our Bucky member is a volunteer with the charity organisation, the Firefly Mission. Here, they are selling these packets of cashew nuts raising funds for the Myammar Cyclone Nurgis Rehabilitation.

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This week we listened to a TED talk by Mihaly Csikszentmi about creativity, fulfillment and 'Flow'. He asks, "What makes a life worth living?"

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Noting that money cannot make us happy, he looks to those who find pleasure and lasting satisfaction in activities that bring about a state of "flow."

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Discussion:
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Mihaly used the above chart to illustrate when the person is in the 'flow' as the activity enters a high challenge that requires high skills. While this may be so for most cases, it need not be the case if one has a keen interest in the activity and subject. For instance, with a keen interest, even when the skill level is low and the activity is high, the person in the activity will not feel anxiety, but instead could get into the 'flow' state.

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To experience 'flow', we had an exercise where we drew mandalas. Everyone was given a blank sheet of paper with colour pencils. We were told to draw anything that is bounded by a circle. It was very relaxing, drawing anything I want without constraints, mixing colours, images, graphics and images. It transported me into the time when I was a child - free and imaginative.

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This is a mandala from Kong. He said he drew this because he felt like a child when he drew his.

This one has many circles.

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This one tells a story, with the family and house on one side of the river with a bridge crossing over to nature on another side.

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This one is very similar to the one below. Incidentally, both of them had a similar state of mind, drawing mountains, whales, sea, famliy...etc.

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This one is mine. I started the mandala wanting to create a symmetry of designs and colours. Somehow, I wanted a structure and didn't think that I could also be telling a story within the circle.

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Here on, all the mandalas are symmetrical. I guess you can tell that some people are structured and others are the story telling type.

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This is Joo Hock's mandala. He didn't draw but just showed us this photo on his mobile phone. Though he captured the pix himself, he didn't draw or create it and therefore it is not really a mandala. A mandala is not just a product or destination, it is also the process of reaching there. The process where we go through the meditative thought process to reach a graphic design. After the design is done, we throw it away, just like why Tibetan monks sweep their mandalas (made of coloured sand) away after they have gone through their long meditative states of producing them.

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You too should get on to draw one. Looking at what others have produced do not give you the same effect. :)

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Happiness - Smile

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Gross National Happinesss 2

This is a letter that my friend Clinton has sent to the local newspapers on the 26th Jan 2006, in the aftermath of the tragic Tsunami devastation in South East Asia.

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The Editor

Forum Page

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Dear Sir,
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“ NATURE at its worst, humanity at its very best” ( ST, Jan 26 ) was thought-provoking and warrants some postulations, some possible solutions.
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The tsunami taught the world two key lessons – how small and inter-connected our “global village” is and the power of globalisation. Just as it had “globalised” 11 countries in less than 24 hours, mankind responded magnificently and was equal to the challenge, as unprecedented compassionate aid was globalised to the affected areas in double-quick time.
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One month later, many – myself included – are left wondering not only why nature reared its ugly head so devastatingly, but perhaps with much gratification, why mankind responded so compassionately, so magnanimously.
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Scientists tell us that everything in the universe is a movement of energy. And nothing is 100 per cent solid. Under a very powerful microscope, at the sub-atomic level, everything and everyone vibrates, at different frequencies.
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Mankind comprises two words – man and kind. Man was born kind – a sub-property of love, which is one of the two most basic and powerful of our emotions ( the other is fear ).

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Man is a total energy system, not just comprising cells, fluids and bones. Within us, too, is an energy system of thoughts, feelings and emotions. Love, which vibrates at the highest level, is capable of converting lower energies and possibly impacting everyone, whether close by or far away.
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So, like it or not, at the spirit or soul level, everyone on Planet Earth is connected. Each one of us is like a scoop of the mighty ocean. Humanity is one immense, infinite, immortal soul. And that is one key reason for the outpouring of love, compassion, empathy and sympathy.
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The other possible reason is that for most people, contentment and happiness are not measured by just material wealth alone. Equally important is for one to be fulfilled mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And this in itself is a cry for help… for love, for happiness.
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World leaders would do well to take a leaf from the book of the tiny kingdom of Bhutan, the only country in the world to measure its well-being by Gross National Happiness, instead of Gross National Product. In Himalayan cultures, the whole society’s economy was meant to serve the quest for happiness.
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If for nothing else, this tsunami catastrophe has led to an awakening for, and the creation of more love, more happiness amongst us all, then the thousands of lives lost will not have been in vain.
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Gross National Happiness, anyone? )
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Thank you.

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Yours sincerely,

Clinton Lim

Gross National Happinesss

Some of you may have heard of Bhutan's Gross National Happiness index. I have not been to Bhutan, but found some informative videos on Youtube, which I have included here, as they have helped me to reflect on my life and the priorities I set for myself daily.

Some data about Bhutan (from Wikipedia):

Location: In the Himalayas, in between China and India.

Capital: Thimpu

Land area: 47,000 sq km

Population: 672,425

Per capita GDP: $5,477

For more on the history and geography of Bhutan, click here

Here is an introductory video of Bhutan:

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Click here to watch this video entitled, "Dragon Kingdom Bhutan". It depicts the country, its culture rooted in Buddhism and their reverence to their King, who embraces happiness above their GNP.

Early this year, Bhutan became a constitutional monarchy, with their first democratic elections:
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As Bhutan opens up, some of the social ills found in the West have started to surface in the country. The following documentary depicts the situation, where alcoholism and drug abuse has become an increasing problem.

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Questions:

1. Do you think Gross National Happiness can be applied to the country you live in? Does it apply to a densely populated city-state like Singapore that relies heavily on industrial efficiency, foreign labour, foreign trade and tourism?

2. Do you think Happiness should be the ultimate end of companies and organisations in their quest for material wealth? Watch the commuters in mass rapid transit in the morning rush hour. I have tried observing this in London, Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, Budapest, Singapore and Hong Kong. They always give me a quick and rough guide to a city. Is GNH feasible amid the vagaries and the harsh cut-and-thrust forces of the market economy? Is there a better economic model? Communism failed. Socialism is expensive! :) How about Bucky's vision of the 'World Game'? Read here . Or Alvin Toffler's Revolutionary Wealth? Read here

3. Do you think as an individual, you can put happiness first? Is this feasible with the meritocratic and competitive school system you go to, or the organisation you serve?

4. As a parent, do you tell your child to study hard to make more money and have a comfortable life after that? Or do you remind your children to be educated so that they will grow up to be useful citizens that can put a smile on every other person he meets everyday?

5. In the quest for happiness, does it necessarily mean that you will have less material wealth? Do you think it is worthwhile to sacrifice material for happiness? Or does sacrificing happiness for material wealth makes more sense to you?

6. Many of us have been happy children when we were little, yet we didn't realise we were poor at the time, until years later as an adult. Why is this so?

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In Sickness or In Health 6 - Fair Weather

I am happy. The weather is sunny and dry, after weeks of continuous rain. It is easier to be happy in fair weather. I feel more energetic soaking up the sun and getting chores in the house and garden done.

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But isn't happiness independent from anything 'outside' myself? Hmmm... sounds good, but how do I put it to practice? Does that mean that if I am absolutely peaceful, then it wouldn't matter if it is dark, wet, cold and gloomy outside and I would be equally happy and energetic?

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Those of you in the tropics who have not lived in cold climates may not even understand what I am moaning about when I speak of depressing weather. You probably have taken all the sunshine everyday for granted. So the next time you see your sunny skies, give your gratitude. It is not the same every where you know?

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To give you a better idea, I have taken the picture below...

Imagine it is also gloomy and cold the whole day and try feeling happy in weather like this. When it is like this, it is very uncomfortable to go out for a walk to get some exercise and fresh air. That dulls the body.

A few days ago, I chatted with a friend of mine online whilst he was in Dubai. He said he wished he was where I am (during the wet spell), as it was 45C and extremely humid there. I guess he is right. In comparison, I will rather choose it here. I then felt better instantly! :)

There will always be ups and downs in our life, but we must not let it affect our inner peace and strive to stay happy. That's the challenge!

Also, what is desirable is mostly taken from the human perspectives. It is gloomy when it is rainy here, but farmers love it and there are many creatures in nature that need the rain to live. So, whilst I would prefer sunny skies, there will be times where the rain will have to come to give life and make the flowers grow. Thinking about it makes me feel happier already!

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In Sickness or In Health 4

My Internet connection stopped a few days ago, as my provider had upgraded their signals and my modem can no longer synchronise. When the modem cannot synchronise it cannot connect with the Internet. In much the same way, when we cannot sychronise, we cannot connect to the universe.

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So I bought a new modem to replace the old one. As I was still not feeling too well, I left it on the desk for a day. Mentally too tired to read manuals and install the modem. My impatient housemate then offered to do it. However, instead of using the power adaptor for the new modem, she was lazy and used the old one. She just took the electric cable of the old modem and plug it into the new modem. In doing so, she instantly burned the new modem. The voltage was too high for the new modem. She blew the new modem and thus we still cannot connect. Metaphorically and drawing parallels to spirituality, if we put too much pressure on someone to self-realise, it wouldn't work. He/she will still not connect. Thus religions and spiritualism cannot be forced.

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Having no Internet connection has its plus points, as I spend more time doing other things that needed doing. Most of all, to spend time by myself and walking in nature. Though walking even short distances at this time still made me pant (as I am still not fully recovered), it was still very pleasant overall.

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During this time, a friend of mine moved in to my place. I think we both have positive influences on each other. He comes from the Mid West of America where people go to bed soon after sunset and he still diligently follows that. Without the Internet and someone to talk to at home, I too sleep early and wake up early.

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We also go for our regular bicycle rides along the beaches. Though he has lived in Singapore for a while, he hasn't seen these places. Over the years, he has been busy rushing around. This is his period of transition before moving to the next phase of his life. He is often impatient. I told him not to. Everything happens for a reason and we must capture every opportunity to enjoy the very moment. In this case, the period of tranquility and peace. Soon we will all be very busy rushing again. So enjoy the peace now.

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I found this video clip from Eckhart Tolle. Watch this. He explains the power of Now very well.

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In Sickness or In Health 3

The flu went on but I continued with my experiment with myself to see if I can keep my mind above all the backaches, giddiness, cough, drowsiness and fever. I managed quite well. I told myself that since my energy was so low, every ounce was precious and many incidents and issues that normally would have mattered to me ordinarily would not be allowed to matter. Then incidentally, one of my business associates at this time was still calling me and was very unreasonable, but it didn't affect me. I was proud that I stayed above it all. It reminds me of the saying, "If you didn't mind, it didn't matter."

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This went on well. Then gradually I got better. First the cough went, then the backache went, I could then breathe better and feel less drowsy. During this period, the same bothersome business associate came back and was persistent with his unreasonableness despite knowing that I was unwell. This time he did irritate me! "How come?" I wondered. I shouldn't be irritated since I am feeling better now. I should be able to see above everything else even better now that I feel better. Why can't I be above it all like when I was hardly breathing?

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At this point, I realised that at the time when I was physically weakest, my faith was strongest. Then, I knew that I could not afford to waste any bit of energy left in my body. However, as the body recovers, physical comfort slipped in and I had gradually allowed my mind to descend to the usual pettiness! Oh dear! How did I allow that?! :)

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I remember a time in Singapore when most of us were poor. Physical comfort, if at all, was very spartan but we didn't know any better. Everybody helped everybody else within strong communities and I could not remember anyone feeling lonely or uncared for. Fast forward forty years on and you now find most people keeping to themselves in their flat after work, watching television, surfing the Internet or indulging in their own material comforts. Now do we find lonely people.

In Sickness or In Health 2

I try to live the same way as I do everyday putting my mind above the flu and fever, but since my reaction is so slow and I can't make sense of familiar things until 'later', I thought I give the bicycle a miss and took a bus. So there I was at the bus stop, which turned out to be waiting, and waiting... Why do I have such bad luck? Sick and yet having to wait unusually long for the bus?!!

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When the bus came, I just shrugged it off and thought "May be one of the buses broke down, be patient". However, the same long wait for the bus applies on the return trip. Then did I realise, it wasn't a longer wait than ordinary, but just my perception of time, which has instantly transformed the moment the flu hit me last Monday. The bus did not take so long. It just felt so long.

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From here, I learn that that it seems that we have two types of feelings - one that is highly reliant on the well-being of our physical bodies, such as how long it takes for the bus to come or how long the person is using the only loo in the building when you have a tummy ache; the other type of feeling is independent of anything, such as the need to stay up late to wait for your daughter to come back from late night partying.

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I am still recovering from flu. I think I am doing quite well in staying above all the giddyness and physical ailments. But then, I am only fighting flu and fever. Two days ago, my young 19 year old Vacuum State reader told me that she has a junior (even younger! :) ) who has contracted cancer but is still amazingly cheerful and positive. I take my hats off to this young girl - she is only 18!

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This morning, I got an email from a friend who put me to this talk by a neuroanatomist who was down with stroke and experienced her brain deterioriating rapidly in the initial moments of the haemorrhage. It is an amazing 18 minute video. I won't say I have been anywhere close to a stroke, but surprisingly I can relate very closely to some of the mental-perception issues that she described. :)

Click here

In Sickness or In Health

I am not feeling too well of late. It's strange how just a few days ago, I was well and running around and the next moment I'm down with fever and flu. Now, my whole body aches and I struggle just to walk a short distance. It is like a dizzy and surreal walk on a floating pontoon. I can't make sense of what seemed common-sense in better days. I can't even look for something that is right in front of me! I take a long time to make sense of what others say to me. Data retention in my mind seems so hard. It is unbearable even to lie in bed with this acheing body and a persistent painful thundering cough that makes my body curl.

"In this situation, is it possible to be 'above it all'?", I wonder. This is what Father Anthony De Mello said. Is it possible to accept it and not fight it? Father De Mello said that our happiness must not be dependent on anything (including good health), for if we are attached to it, we lose our happiness. That means, to be happy even when we are sick! It is indeed sobering now to 'walk the talk' to see if I can really be happy.

Then, as I logged into my email, I got this message in my daily contemplation subscription:


Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. -- Saint Francis de Sales

post scriptum: It is a big struggle to put up this post, but I thought it is best to write it now while I am totally in the midst of it. :)

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Here's someone whom I think is above it all. She is six years old. That's probably why. :)
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The Mindful Way - a BBC documentary

Found excerpts of this enlightening BBC documentary, "The Mindful Way", that has an interview with Ajahn Chah, posted on YouTube. For more about Ajahn Chah's wisdom in Vacuum State, click here

The ultimate is to let go, and even to let go of "letting go", for the mind must have no desire and flow with the natural cause. When that happens the mind will be as still as the forest pond. There will be problems but you will see through them.

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When we cease to cling to happiness, we begin to be happy. In the end, we don't own anything, as ultimately there is no self, but just the basic elements of Earth, Water, Air and Fire.

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Meditation confronts this 'self'. This can be like a raging storm to free one's heart and open to loving kindness that embraces all life - that all lives have breath that rises and falls - and eventually, all lives expire.

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If we can't understand 'death', life can be confusing. And so in the movie "Tuesday with Morrie", Morrie said, "When you understand death, you start to learn how to live."