Remembering Foo Toon Jong

Foo Toon Jong, RIP 19 May 2012.

It took a few days for me to decide to write this post. Perhaps it is because it takes that long for me to accept the vulnerability of this human journey itself. 

Toon Jong was nicknamed "Tom Jones", because of how the two names rhymed and also because we had spent countless hours strumming the guitar and singing at the Club room. We both were volunteers in the Singapore Polytechnic Welfare Services Club (WSC) and Tom was a volunteer at Bukit Ho Swee Tuition Centre, Villa Francis Home for the Aged and Singapore Association for Retarded Children (now more politically correctly named as "MINDS"), from 1974-1978.

Toon Jong was at a staff bonding function in his new job, when during the activities, he had to excuse himself as he didn't feel well. He then went to rest on a couch and passed away peacefully there. Doctors concluded that he had a cardiac arrest.

During his wake, I learned from his wife that Tom never had any serious illness. He was a non-drinker, non-smoker, not over-weight and was always careful with what he ate. I last met his wife during their engagement held in a community centre in 1982 - thirty years ago. Time flies. Tom works for a civil engineering construction contractor. Such jobs are usually highly stressful, which could be the reason for his clogged artery and cardiac arrest. Some months ago, another younger WSC grad, Chang Yew Kee, died of heart attack in his sleep at the age of 49 - he was also working for a contractor.

This is not to prejudice the construction contractor business, but rather to say that we need to watch our stress levels, as stress is the single biggest killer.

After the wake, some of us suggested that we should meet at least once a year, before we never have the chance again. Sadly, it takes situations like these to renew interests to connect with each other. I used to phone them regularly, but gave up after sometime. I may have gotten a few phone calls from them (on their initiative) in the last 32 years, but too few to make a dent.

Perhaps now, things will change, alas getting back to be 'brothers' and 'sisters' in one big family - as we used to refer to ourselves as - back in the good old days.  :)

Remembering Chang Yew Kee

Two days ago, an old friend, Chang Yew Kee, died of a heart attack in his sleep. He was only 49. We were old Polytechnic friends and didn't get to meet after my departure from Singapore, and then we lost contact of each other soon after. 

During our Poly days, we were members of the Welfare Services Club. Then, we served the underprivileged in the Homes every weekend. It was also during this time that I learned the concept of the Buddhist espoused 'Cause-and-Effect' philosophy from Yew Kee. He also told me that he often pondered about the Buddhist ideal of ridding oneself of all desires, and that he would probably not be able to do so completely. This is something I ponder deeply myself too, till this day. 

It is important to treasure friends and express gratitude to them when they are still around. Truly, we don't know what comes next and when our time is up in this human incarnation. That is why I live everyday as if it is my last. I think it is better this way.

Lastly, I would like to take this chance to say a big 'thank you' to all my friends. Thank you for just for being my friend. 

 (Belated) Happy Valentine's Day!

Rest in Peace Yew Kee!

ps. Yew Kee has a Christian wake. I heard from his family that he converted to Christianity in the year 2000.

Echoes of the Freelance Pathway

I woke up yesterday, the 3rd Oct 2009, to a rude surprise that my old friend Donald Stadler, had a heart attack and passed away on the way to work in the morning in London. He was only 50. That must have happened around 9.30am in London and 5.30pm Singapore Time on the 2nd October 2009. Curiously around that time, I heard Donald saying, "...wonder what happened to Michael's loan..." It was a clear message, but I didn't think much of it other than perhaps he was curious and concern about me. I do have many experiences of telepathy and this I thought was just another one.

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Donald was an American whom I have met during my freelance days in Holland in 1993. We lost contact some years later and then only re-established communications about a month ago. Then, he told me he had just known that he had lost his job and it was hard to find work in London. I was hoping to meet him in London sometime November, when I find time to travel to Europe.

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Life is fragile. If we do not take care of our minds, our bodies deteriorate. Donald was a single child. His father died when he was very young and he was raised only by his mother. He was often lonely and I suspect was also depressive as a result. During our stint in Rotterdam in the winter of 1992, we spent considerable time chatting in Chinese restaurants after work about how cool Compuserve emails were (as the Internet has just started to hit the masses) and how China will become an economic power in 20 years time. Fast forward (gosh!) 17 years, and we were right on both counts. The Internet is pervasive and the People's Republic of China just celebrated its 60th National Day gloriously as an economic power while the US is seriously bogged down in a financial meltdown.

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I enjoyed those chats we had. Donald was a good conversationist and also one of the few Caucasian friend who was adventurous enough to eat what was to them 'exotic' Chinese dishes of strange animal parts.

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Donald's sudden departure reminds me to live everyday as if it is my last (or first), and not put life on 'hold'. Problems and troubles will always be there, but they are not part of us, if we don't allow them to be. The soul is inherently peaceful and I should like to remind myself about that and enjoy life's every moment to the fullest.

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May also you rest in peace Donald. Farewell!

Passing of a friend

27th April 2009

Attended the wake of one of our Bucky Group members, Mr Sng Tong Hai. Departed peacefully on the morning of 26 April 2009 at the age of 66.

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We sang the song "What One Man Can Do" to Tong Hai. I didn't video the singing, but here's a clip I got from Youtube. This song was composed by the late John Denver, as a tribute to Buckminster Fuller.

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Here are the lyrics:

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I suppose that there are those

Wholl say he had it easy

Had it made in fact

Before hed even begun

But they dont know the things I know

I was always with him

It may sound strange

We were more than friends

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Its hard to tell the truth

When no one wants to listen

When no one really cares

Whats going on

And its hard to stand alone

When you need someone beside you

Your spirit and your faith

They must be strong

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What one man can do is dream

What one man can do is love

What one man can do is change the world

And make it young again

Here you see what one man can do

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As shaded as his eyes might be

Thats how bright his mind is

Thats how strong his love

For you and me

A friend to all the universe

Grandfather of the future

And everything I would like to be

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What one man can do is dream

What one man can do is love

What one man can do is change the world

And make it young again

Here you see what one man can do

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What one man can do is dream

What one man can do is love

What one man can do is change the world

And make it young again

Here you see what one man can do

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Towards the end of the evening, Tong Hai's daugther and movie producer, Tania Sng,  asked if she can interview me as part of a film she intends to put together about the last part of her father's journey.

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I know Tong Hai first in the Theosophical Society's Singapore Lodge and later at the Bucky Group. I remember I met him once in a bus and he told me he liked to continue learning and upgrading his knowledge, as he would not like to be seen as being "over-the-hill".  And that he did, joining continuous learning group like the Bucky Group and many others.

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The other time I remember is when I met him by chance at a theatre lobby and he told me about his movie "Cages", produced by his daughter Tania.

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Then, as I was taking a sip of water, I realised the bottle says... "Life Goes On".

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Good bye Tong Hai.

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Remembering My Father 2

It's Ching Ming , so, we lay offerings of food that my father liked, as a symbol of respect  and a way of remembering him.

After that, we burned incense papers, fake paper money (interestingly they call them hell notes) and even the tobacco my father liked. It is a ritual. I don't think the burning will serve my father, unless he is still stuck in the astral world as a hungry ghost. I doubt that he is, because I know him to be such a peaceful soul that didn't need or want anything from us when he was with us. 

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If my father is reincarnated as a human being, he wouldn't know that we are burning these incense for him - at least consciously. It is the same as that I don't know if there is a someone somewhere praying for me, be they be doing it in a Taoist shrine, Catholic church, mosque...etc.

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If my father is in the heavenly realms, then he won't need us to burn those incense. He would be in pure bliss and would not have these earthly desires.

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Perhaps the traditions are for the surviving offsprings, as a ritual for the living to stay as a family and offer our gratitude to the deceased.

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However, my siblings who are Christians (and also my father's filial children) refused to perform the rituals.  For me, I go through the rituals. It is not going to offend my God. God cannot be offended. In other words, I have chosen to be in this world, but not of this world.

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Remembering My Good O Days! Part 2

Background: In the 70s, the Singapore Polytechnic Welfare Services Club was a hive of activities. We stayed back after lectures for meetings, sketch practices for old folks home, song practices for children, bamboo dance practices for lepers' Home, study sessions for the diploma, sports sessions for fun, discussions, more discussions, more singing...etc, till late at night.

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We were in our late teens with a common goal to serve the under-privileged. Also, at that age, romance easily fills the air.

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Then it came a time, when it became difficult to gather big groups together, as some were already pairing off somewhere and not joining the main group. A rather anti-social act, but they were in love and oblivious about anything outside their little world. :) This was particularly difficult during work camps, training camps and campus group activities, where group efforts were essential. So the Central Committee (CC) decided to make an announcement, that male and female volunteers were discouraged from 'pairing off' during Club activities. A rather draconian rule, but at the time somehow the guilty obliged and attempted to comply.

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So there on, all Club activities were planned in such a way that there were precautions to prevent girl-boy pairing off into the romantic sunsets. Similar announcements were made in the 'Welscope', the Club newsletter. Soon, everyone was talking about it.

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Mind you, we were still innocent teens and you probably won't bat an eyelid over the lame things we did, which were nowhere near the hotstuff we see today. During those ultra-conservative days in Singapore, it was still taboo for a guy even to hold a girl's hand, unless you are serious about being a couple together. So, those who were straying away in pairs were merely mesmerised, in love, indifferent and together. Sorry no juicy stories to tell even if I want to! :)
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Eventually, everyone was overly conscious about who is interested in who and who is going out with who secretly...etc. It became one of the Club's favourite gossips and hence dominant thoughts. The CC started off doing a good job, but realised that more and more members were 'pairing off' despite all the measures taken. More suprisingly and quite hilariously, all too soon, some in the CC found themselves pairing off within, or finding their boy friend/girlfriend within the Club. Now, no one was safe from Cupid's arrows. And of course, the problems which the Club had mobilising the whole group, became worse.

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The next year, a new CC came in and dropped the whole idea of enforcing anything. They just turned away from the problem, and guess what? The problem disappeared!

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Remembering My Good O Days!

I am blessed with a good memory, somehow better than many others. I drew this picture when I was in the Singapore Polytechnic Welfare Services Club. It is a nostalgic piece. I can remember vividly, the hive of activities then. Some will be typing letters on noisy typewriters seeking sponsors for our projects in the old folks home, children's outings, Christmas celebrations, Moon Cake festivals, etc; others hang around with their guitars singing 'welfare songs', ie. songs with motivational lyrics for welfare work; some rehearsing sketches for the celebrations; and yet others doing their homework and fallen asleep... etc. Our volunteers spent much of their student life there - in the club room. To me it WAS my life! Fond memories like these can easily mesmerise me for hours.

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Many years have now passed, we have all graduated, got jobs, raised families and take on different hobbies and lifestyles. Some are driven by events of chasing after more money, bigger houses, bigger cars, ...etc. I guess many are overtaken by events in post-graduation. Memories of those intense activities have faded for many. For me, it is as real as it had happened yesterday, but surprisingly, for many much is forgotten. To them, they cannot remember all the fun of spending the many hours there - cooking dinner, practising bamboo dance, studying together, and finally rushing for the last bus. As they have forgotten, so these activities did not happen to them.

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The conscious mind is an elusive instument. The past that is real to me, is totally non-existent to some of my friends.

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I have similar experiences with dreams. As I lay on my bed, I remember the dream to monumental detail and could even tell my conscious mind how to remember them. Yet, when I get out of bed, into the shower and then by breakfast, all is forgotten. By the end of the day, it "didn't happen"!

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Similar mismatches can happen with 'observations'. Sometimes, in a scenario, I can see something in it, but no matter how I describe and try to convince my friends, they cannot see that 'something'. To me I can see that 'something' and it is real, but to my friends, that 'something' does not exist. So I got on to argue that it exists, but my friends insist it does not. They just don't get it!

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Conversely, there are times when my friends will argue very strongly about something. They are certain that they are right. But then, they would wouldn't they? Otherwise they wouldn't be arguing so passionately about it. So don't get upset with them. Are they blinded? Are they seeing 'shadows'? Maybe, I don't know, but for sure whatever they see is true to them, and not true to me, unless they can lead me to see the same as they do.

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To be headstrong about something without considering what the other party sees, would lead to disharmony and fallacies. From these fundamental assumptions, a belief system is then constructed, and held as the unassailable truth. It is only upon one of the fundamental assumptions being disproved, that the entire collossal belief system collapses.

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Therefore, it is prudent to constantly listen to our inner-self to check if we are leading ourselves into a fallacy. In stillness, this will be revealed. It would be helpful to be patient and see what the other persons see. By looking at different angles can the blindspots be cleared.

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Religions often look at life solely from their own dogma. This create blindspots in their followers, since no matter how, we cannot cover all dimensions with a single dogma. By looking at life openly through the eyes of many religions, philosophies and cultures, likewise, many blindspots will be cleared.

Remembering My Father

Today I visited the shrine where my father's (ancestral) tablet lay rest. He passed away peacefully four years ago - in his sleep.
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My father was a simple man and a man of a few words.
I remember his silence. When we were together, even in silence, I could feel his happiness and contentment.
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Now in silence in the empty hall of the shrine, it is as if I feel his presence again. This silence is moving and powerful.

In Memory of My School Principal Mr Ong Kim Siong

Class of '76 Reunion - 2004
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My secondary school principal Mr Ong Kim Siong, passed away peacefully on the 22nd May 2007. A group of us, ex-students of Toh Tuck Secondary School, attended the wake on the 24th.

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Those of you who have lived in the 70s will remember Toh Tuck as one of the more colourful (read notorious) schools during that era. So, it came as a surprise when Mrs Ong told us that Toh Tuck was the late Mr Ong's favourite school, though he had taught and stewarded in the premier league schools in Singapore. Mrs Ong said that though Mr Ong felt it was challenging experience, it was also his most memorable and meaningful time in his career.

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I remember Mr Ong as one who managed to tame us during school assembly. School assembly to most of us were unbearable during those days. More than six hundred of us, cooped up in the school assembly hall without air-conditioning amid the humid tropical climate. We absolutely hated assembly and were always chatting away when the teacher/speaker speaks. Who cared those days! After all, we were all naughty boys and girls that couldn't even sit still for very long typically.

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Mr Ong tamed us by bringing in mass singing instead of those preachy mundane school speeches, and made all of us ticked. We all sang in harmony and even enjoyed doing so. It was amazing. From resentment to joy!

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While we were a school far down in the academic league, Mr Ong never treated anyone of us any lesser. He told one of us that there was once when he had a father of a boy crashing into his office without warning and started bashing up the boy up, without even asking what the boy's misdeed was. (The boy was called up to the principal's office awaiting the arrival of his father.)

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Mr Ong immediately stopped the father and told him that with his actions, the boy will grow to be exactly to be like him - violent and angry! Beating up a child like this only reinforces in the child that violence is the right way to solve problems. Children follow their parents, more than what the parents speak of (that the child usually prefer not to listen). To Mr Ong, there is no such thing as a bad student, but unfortunate and inconducive environment for the child to learn and grow in.

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A few years later when I met him in a conference in the 80s, he told me that he would like to see a school system where there are only winners and that all students get rewarded. At that time, I didn't quite understand what he meant and even thought it would be impossible and idealistic to institute such a reward system in a highly competitive society like Singapore. Now 31 years later and I am now the same age as he was when he was my principal, I can see what he meant - ie. he wanted to see the goodness in every child regardless of their prevailing weaknesses.

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Thank you Mr Ong for your patience and guidance in our tender young days. Through your stewardship many of us are now responsible parents and useful citizens - no more the naughty boys or girls we used to be!