Tao - What is masculinity?

18 Aug 2009, Singapore

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This is an excerpt of a talk on "What is masculinity?" by a Tao master. This post is written as a first person account for readability reasons only and is not an ad-verbatim record of the speaker. Any distortions or omissions are mine and most likely accidental and definitely without malicious intent. As such, please do not quote from this post.

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What is 'self'? There are professors in university that have amassed a lot of knowledge but are yet to understand what is 'self'.

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Tonight, we are going to discuss about what is meant by being male. Masculinity as dictated by the natural law and not dictated by culture. For instance, there are tribes in parts of Asia that allow their men to kill their womenfolk if the latter are found to have dishonoured the family. In their culture, if a man cannot control his women, then he is no longer considered a man.

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[The master then asked a member of the audience to describe what he thinks are the roles of a man.]

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Member of audience:

According to the ancient Greeks, a man has to responsiblity of solving problems and to protect the home and offer safety...etc.

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[He then continued to list nine points of morality and virtues that a man should attain.]

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[Back to the master...]

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This Greek philosophy is an idealistic perception of masculinity. How do we achieve all these nine points? If you cannot achieve all the nine points, does it mean that you are less of a man? How about a mentally retarded male? Can he achieve all the 9 points?

If not, does it mean that he is less of a man?

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Not many men can achieve those nine points and score distinctions in them.

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The Natural Law embraces the imperfection of men. For if we are perfect, we will not be in the present physical existence and dimension. Within the Natural Law, we can check our 'lack' and work on those. That is also why people who are seeking their spiritual path go to different religions that resonates with them.

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We have to distinguish between the idealism we read from books and our everyday reality. There is lack and we want to move towards 'full'.

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We live in a world of complementary needs. While the typhoon has wrecked havoc in Taiwan recently, it must also be recognised that there will not be rain without wind (convection currents). What men lack in their character traits, they would look towards women to fulfill these lacks. For instance the physical strength of men longs to be complemented by the tenderness of women. Conversely, women like the strength and confidence of men, and longed for men's protection.

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There are some more evolved people that have already attained the strengths of both the masculine and feminine traits. They are balanced individuals - self-sufficient, and therefore have no desires for marriage.

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Imbalance causes circulation. So what is your imbalance? What is your 'lack'?

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Similarly, as a leader, you must have certain strengths that your followers lack. Otherwise, they wouldn't follow you. A leader therefore has to be an honourable and good man.

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So show your qualities. When a man show his masculine qualities, he gets admiration and respect from women. Know your weaknesses, otherwise they will surface and cover your qualities.

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However, there are also women in leadership. This is because they are brought up in an environment conducive for leadership and also they are born in certain dates and has a lot of 'yang' energy in them.

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The Chinese Bazi calculates your character and behaviour based on your birth dates. From there, you can understand your strengths and weaknesses better. Then you can adjust and balance yourself ('learning'). Charitable work can also cleanse undesirable characteristic traits.

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I'll tell you the story of the owner of a famous biscuit factory in Singapore. This man came to Singapore to escape the ravages of poverty in China. When he got his first job, he told his employer that he was willing to sell himself as a slave for 40,000 dollars, so that he can feed his family back in China. The employer refused and instead paid him 40 dollars a month.

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Despite the meagre salary, he endeavoured, saves and invests, and eventually built the biscuit empire that he has now.

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Then when China opened up their market, he was already old, but decided to open a new factory there after a feasibility study. Some people were surprised and asked him why he decided so as he was already very wealthy and advanced in age. He then told them that it was not about the money, but that once the factory was opened, six thousand people will have jobs and income to feed their family.

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At his age, he won't need to set up the factory by himself, but he knew that he can help these new workers by a mere a nod - of approval to go ahead with the investment in China.

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So we need to know that we can be in instances when a mere nod from us can already help many.

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Men's roles are in the society and women roles are mostly domestic. The latter requiring the refinement of feminity.

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There are also masculine women around. This can have something to do with past life karma. There are also more and more 'neutrals' (balanced masculine and feminine traits) around.

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There are also gays.

Let me tell you a story from a movie I have watched.

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There were these two US soldiers in the Vietnam War amid the impending gore and pains of war, who could face death anytime and they did not know when they could be killed. So one of the soldier asked the other one if he could do him a favour if he was killed first. He then gave him a photo of a girl and said that should he die first, to please take care of the girl for him. He said that this was a very special girl.

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Eventually, the soldier was killed and the other soldier carried out his promise to find the girl and to take care of her. He managed to locate the girl and found that she was a singer in a pub. He then went to the pub regularly to listen to her singing and observe what she does. Then finally, one day, he approached her and revealed that he was the friend of the soldier who died in Vietnam.

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Soon the girl and him became good friends. He found her to be a very understanding person and congenial. Soon he developed an interest and then special feelings for her. Then one day, he asked if she would marry him. She paused, but then agree to marry,... and so they did.

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On the wedding night, when disrobed, he was astonished to find out that the girl was actually a MAN!!! Angry, he yelled at her for cheating him, but She refuted that she did not ask for the marriage.

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In anguish, he left the 'girl' and went far away. In distance from the 'girl', he found himself in an extreme state of confusion. He was shocked to find that he actually longed for her company. He knew that he was not gay, but couldn't understand why he was longing for this 'girl'. Against a much troubled mind, he decided to go back to the 'girl'.

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On meeting 'her', he realised that it was not the flesh that had attracted him to her, but the need for the complementary soul mate that attracted him.

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Audience: But there are gays who have sex...

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Yes, there are. From my conversations with some gays, they have told me that there are broadly three categories of gays:

One who are like prostitutes and are promiscuous.

The Second category, the live like normal 'male-female' couple (they have sex).

The Third category, live complementary lives to each other and do not have sex.

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[end of story]

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So do men and women have equality?

It depends on which area. Each gender has their own strengths and weaknesses and contribute to the society and family. For instance, usually women are better at teaching the child, however , if it turns out that the man can do better, then let him do it. Let him do what he does best. So it is not a question of equality or not, but the role best suited for that person.

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[end of seminar]

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